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The following letter has the latest news at the top of the page and the beginning of the letter at the bottom. A new page regarding Ashley will be added in 2004. Please watch for updates. You can see recent pictures of Ashley by clicking HERE.
July 18, 2000 -- There has been a major change in our lives!May 15 and 16, we were back in court with new evidence against Ashley’s father. After two days of testimony, on May 16, the Magistrate granted me immediate temporary custody of Ashley! I picked her up after school and took her home with me that day. On June 7 the Magistrate filed another decision:
"The Magistrate has reviewed and reflected on his initial decision of November 1, 1999, his order of May 19, 2000, the transcript of the hearing on July 8 and 13 of 1999 as well as the notes of both hearings. Having done so, the Magistrate finds it appropriate for the Trial Court to enter an order granting defendant’s Ivanovitch’s motion of November 10, 1998, such that she be designated to be the legal custodian of her granddaughter, Ashley."
"I love my home, I love my room and I love my bed", is a statement Ashley made not too long ago. She is settling in quite nicely. She has gone through so many major life changes in the past two years, more than anyone else touched by Karen’s death. She misses her mom. Ashley is attending the Hospice Bereavement Day Camp one week this summer and hopefully it will help her. She is 8 and one-half years old already and growing and blooming like a beautiful flower.
Ashley recently expressed to me that she thinks life is too hard. I remembered a story about a butterfly that someone had sent to me and I told her about it:
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole.
Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. So to help the butterfly, he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon.
The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricted cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening, were God's way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go through our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly!
I told Ashley it is not just my job to give her a home and food, it is my job to teach her how to become a strong, smart and loving person. The challenges she is going through now will help her become all those things so she can spread her wings like the butterfly and be ready to fly and be a wonderful "grown-up".
The picture above is of Ashley on our vacation to California in June. We had it planned for 6 months and had purchased an airline ticket for Ashley too, hoping she could go with us. As it turned out, we had custody by that time and it was a much needed vacation and distraction for all of us. It was Ashley’s and my first time to California. My husband, Mickey, had lived there for several years so he was pleased to give us the grand tour. We experienced the ocean, the mountains and the desert. Ashley really enjoyed the San Diego Zoo and Disneyland. Yosemite is truly a piece of heaven on earth.
School starts August 28, and Ashley is a little nervous about starting a new school and meeting all new teachers and students. She still has a lot of challenges to face, so please keep Ashley in your prayers. For myself, I pray all the time for the energy and strength to keep up with her and the wisdom to teach her all the right things.
Thank you so much for all your support. As I read the postings below, I remember how disappointed I was last November. I just couldn’t give up though. I believe Karen would have wanted me to continue the fight to get custody of Ashley as long as possible. Karen’s birthday is August 2 and she would have been 28 this year. I have a Web page to celebrate Karen’s birthday. Please visit it at
Signe,
Signe's mother Florence & granddaughter Ashley
A Hundred Years From Now
It will not matter what my bank account was,
The sort of house I lived in,
Or the kind of car I drove…
But the world may be different
Because I was important in the life of a Child
November 2, 1999-– The sad news has come today from the court. The papers say:
“The Magistrate has considered the overall evidence admitted into record in light of these factors. Having done so he determines that it is appropriate for the Trial Court to enter an order DENYING the defendant Ivanovitch’s motion and GRANTING defendant XXXXXX’s motion.”
…”With the preceding observations in mind, the Magistrate determines that it is appropriate for the Trial Court to enter an order awarding defendant Ivanovitch companionship time with Ashley as provided by Local Rule 19.0, with Mrs. Ivanovitch being the “non-residential parent” for purposes of terminology of this Rule. In addition to the visitation provided under the local Rule, Mrs. Ivanovitch shall have companionship time with Ashley on every Wednesday from 5:00 P.M. until 7:00 P.M. during school months and until 8:30 P.M. during the vacation times.”
In other words…I did not get custody of Ashley, but I do have legal visitation of every other weekend, every Wednesday evening, 5 weeks in the summer and certain holidays throughout the year. My former husband was also granted one weekend every 5 weeks. I am crushed and tonight I see Ashley and talk to her about all of this. She will be very disappointed.
The judge even says in his Court Order that, “Ashley has expressed a preference to be able to reside with defendant Ivanovitch.” I have read and reread the entire paper and with all the evidence we presented about his drinking and neglect, I just can’t understand this ruling. We presented evidence and many witnesses regarding his behavior and the judge stated that, “it is clear that he has not been a perfect parent,” but that, “these incidents are not part of a long-standing pattern of parental neglect or negligence.” They have been his pattern ever since he has had Ashley!
Since last night, after receiving the papers, I have fallen back to the early stages of grieving for my loss of Karen. I feel like I have let her down, and have let Ashley down. The intellectual part of me says I did everything I could and that I have visitation rights I never would have had if I hadn’t taken this to court, but my heart aches and searches for what I could have done different and better.
We recently started getting Ashley’s room ready for her to move in, new bed, rearranged furniture, all trying to make it more of what she wants in the room. We will continue to do that because with the court order, this will be her home away from home. I had a home away from home too when I was young. It was at the home of my Great Aunt Martha and Great Uncle Alf. I spent summers with them and every other chance I got. After I graduated from high school I moved in with them right away. They had no children of their own and they loved me unconditionally. My Aunt Martha was a pillar of strength, full of love and kindness toward everyone and taught me many important lessons to help me through life. I have thought of them so often lately, and feel like they helped prepare me for this challenge. My Aunt Martha would be 107 years old now.
I have been working on my faith lately too. A few months ago someone told me that the decision has already been made and that whatever it is, it is the path Ashley must travel to fulfill her purpose in life. I have hung onto those words and I will pass them on to Ashley tonight.
August 16,1998, Karen died
November 10, 1998, I filed for custody
March 3, 1999, First court date – rescheduled
July 8, 1999, First day in court
July 13, 1999, Second day in court
August 2, 1999, Ashley interviewed by judge (Karen’s birthday)
November 1, 1999, Court Order signed awarding custody to Ashley’s father
This is not the end of the story, by any means. I will continue to give Ashley unconditional love and try to make her feel safe and secure. I will not talk bad about her father, but instead try to teach her how to deal with the problems she has with him. We will grow in our faith together and find the positives in this situation. Please keep us in your prayers. We still have a long road to travel.
July 20, 1999 - The depositions and the hearing are all over. Now we sit and wait for the judge's decision. The trial went for two days instead of the expected one-day. I wasn't sure how I would handle it, but aside from shaking while on the witness stand, I did very well. Ashley still needs to be interviewed by the judge and she is fine with that.
Her father took her to Canada for vacation and promised to have her call me in two days, but of course I have not received a call. I try not to worry but I can't help it. I miss her very much. She should only be gone 9 days and I told her to have a wonderful time.
Please continue to pray for Ashley.
Below is a poem a friend wrote and presented to me the day of Karen's funeral. Thank you Natalie.
Where Did She Go?
What happened to the little baby--it was not so long ago,
When I put my arms around her and said, "I love you so".
She came into my life an infant, my precious little girl
And quickly became the center and the heart of my whole world.
She grew up and became a mommy to a little girl like mine,
And experienced the love so perfect, so innocent and sublime.
Then I had the joy of having "another" little girl,
To grace my life and join her mom as part of my whole world.
I watched my little girl take care of hers with gentle love and care,
A single mom with much love to give, she was always there.
The guardian angel on earth for her precious girl, Ashley.
Where did she go? Why did she have to leave both her daughter and me?
She's not gone, she simply doesn't reside any longer on Earth,
She's gone to be an angel--He obviously knew her worth.
So though we have been physically separated and taken apart,
My precious daughter, Karen, is still here in my heart.
I've got to take care of Ashley, now. Can I do it? Can I help her grow?
I'll start by putting my arms around her; I'll whisper, "I love you so."
I've been given a second chance to raise another little girl,
Whose life is entwined with mine, in our newly shattered world.
Please, God, help me comfort her, for the words I do not know,
To say when a little girl asks me, "Where did my mommy go?"
Written by Natalie Viers for Signe Ivanovitch August 20, 1998May 2, 1999 - It has been on my mind that I need a way to let everyone know what has been going on lately. So many people have given me ongoing love and support since Karen died, as my family has throughout my life. I feel like I am ignoring the people who mean the most to me, and I don't mean to. Today it dawned on me (dah) to use my web page to keep everyone informed, so that is the method I will use until I have more energy and time to correspond with everyone personally.
To bring you up to date, the hearing for custody of Ashley is scheduled for July 8, 1999 at 9:00 a.m. After a four-month wait for the March 3rd date, there was a continuance. Our court system is terribly backed up in this area. I was extremely upset about it, but it has proven to be a blessing. I can not divulge details at this time, but I believe it has been working to the good for Ashley and me.
Ashley's father saw my web page and decided to take me to court for using Ashley's pictures. At no time did he ever approach me personally and discuss his concerns. I was shocked when I received notice of a hearing scheduled for April 19th. His request was for a restraining order so I would have to remove any and all pictures and references to Ashley. Personally, I believe he was just trying to find something to use against me at the custody hearing and this was the best he could do.
I appreciate the people who took the time to look at the page and write in my guestbook. I printed the entire web page and guestbook and put them in a notebook as evidence for the judge to view at the hearing. I wore a new business suit and had my mother and my older daughter with me for support the day of the hearing. We looked like quite a team. I felt confident because the page was written with love in my heart for Karen and Ashley. I also felt it was important to set a good example to always stand up for what I believe, no matter what my age or the situation.
"I have good news!" was the first thing my attorney said when we saw her at the courthouse. That morning, Ashley's father (I don't want to use his name) called his attorney and said he could not get off work because he was too important for them to let him go (???). He asked for a continuance. My attorney said no. His attorney asked if I would take my web page down. My attorney said no. After another telephone conference with his client, the attorney told my attorney that everything regarding the web page was dropped. We were so excited that we almost danced in the courthouse. I have since received the Notice of Withdrawal of Motion (legal jargon) to make it all official and complete.
The next step is that we both give our depositions on May 20th for the custody hearing. I have also heard that the judge doesn't have to make a decision the day of the hearing, July 8th. This is certainly teaching me that what we see on TV regarding the court system is not reality.
Ashley is fine. She is more shy than she used to be, but has made new friends in my neighborhood and plays from sun-up to sun-down when she is with me. I have visitation every other weekend and it is great for both of us. I also have her for five weeks this summer. I am very grateful that my attorney took an aggressive approach right away and acquired those temporary rights for me.
My health has improved. My blood pressure and diabetes is under control and I have been receiving grief counseling. The last nine months have been the hardest time in my entire life, but I am trying very hard to look toward the future with hope. Today as I was buying my mother a Mother's Day card, it was very painful thinking of Ashley without her mother. She will be spending Mother's Day with my mother and me.
Please keep us in your prayers. I worry so much about Ashley and I know your prayers will help keep her safe and strong. I will update this page as new things happen, so check back with me. To my WeaveWare friends, I will be joining you for dinner at the WeaveWare Reunion on June 19th and possibly Ashley will also. To the rest of my family and friends, I hope we are able to spend time together very soon. Thank you for everything.
Signe
Angel
by Sarah McLachlan
City Of Angels Soundtrack
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it OK
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight
In the arms of the Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escape one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees
In the arms of the Angel fly away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here
xxxx
